Jay Horne’s Architecture

Prepare for the worst, Hope for the best

Image by the author assisted by Dall-e

Exit Only

I am ready for someone to draft the blueprints for my mansion, starting with the toilet.

There was a strange meme going around about how the sphincter is the first thing that cells generate in new organisms so that anything going in has a way out, and all that. Well, let’s just say, I like that idea for my house.

Because, let’s face it. Chances are, you will likely be going out in the bathroom. If not, then you’ll surely survive thousands upon thousands of visits to the royal porcelain pajama parlor.

For this reason, there should be handlebars, both on the sides and the front of the rim. And maybe an ‘oh, shit!’ handle on the tank, like in the Bentley, for when you find yourself crouching in front of the thing instead of sitting on top.

Come to think of it, the bathroom, especially around the toilet area, should probably instantly convert into a luxury hospice setting. Who wouldn’t want a red velvet pop-up couch around the base of the toilet, just in case you can’t crawl away to the one in the living room?

On the magazine rack, should be a vintage 1980’s edition of Playboy just for circumstantial evidence’s sake.

A Belt of Watches